you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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