Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just had sex bonerless
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
