You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
