first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
