I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
