THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
