i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
