He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
