In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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