I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
