if you like me you must not know who I am
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
