We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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