She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
