glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
