Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
even my farts smell like vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Mom said you looked used
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
