It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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