I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
