Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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