No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
