I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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