so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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