So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
