brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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