You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
