ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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