I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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