I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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