So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
