Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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