Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
