Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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