i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
