I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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