guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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