My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
