Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
