Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
