and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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