That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
