I just threw up on my dentist
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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