i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
