dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
