I showed him my bush... on skype.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
