if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
