Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
