they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
