I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
