i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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