If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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