I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
