These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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