you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
