i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
