I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
