I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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